I hear it everywhere, on the forums, on the phone and in conversations, "how do you juggle working life with a family?".
It's universal, no matter what type of career women have, women with children struggle at some point, if not all the time. Find a mother who doesn't get overwhelmed and stressed out, pinch her to see if she's real.
Answers like "you have to find a balance" is cliched, demoralizing and certainly unhelpful. What working mothers need, is a guide to finding a balance thats unique to their situation and lifestyle, how long is a piece of string.
Getting organised with forward planning is a discipline all on its own. It works, but it's the last thing a mum can do really well when she is emotionally fettered by a really bad work day, kids are bickering and hungry, and no meat was left out to defrost, for that that scrumptious gourmet meal everyone expects (actually it's really mum that expects such high standard). Bring out the can of baked beans embellish it with toast and some microwaved greens, top it of with a glass of milk for the kids, piece of fruit for desert and you have a healthy well balanced meal that has the important intake of legumes. Sit down with the family take a deep breath in, exhale the frustration out and enjoy. It's a meal, not gourmet, but just as nutritionally important. At the end of the day, as mothers we are charged with the nutritional intake for our family, not the status of the food they eat.
A home is for free expression not good impressions. Our homes are for our families to reside in, to grow up in, to love and feel safe, not to impress other people who come in from time to time. Cleanliness is comforting, spotlessness is madness. It's all about the right attitude
Finding a balance really means finding an outlet in which you can recharge your batteries, something that makes you feel real and rejuvenated. For me I found walking every morning is my "get up and go", my kick start. I found this purely by coincidence.
17 years ago when I had 3 small children, working full time and studying via correspondence, I was overwhelmed, fatigued and trying incredibly hard to hold it all together. My girlfriend at work was getting married in 12 months and wanted to loose 35 kilo's in weight, she railroaded me into having a brisk 45 minute walk each morning before work. The mornings for me was the hard time, getting kids ready, husband ready and myself, all I could do was gulp.
The night before, I got everything ready. The following morning slipped out before anyone was awake, I was anxious during my walk, whilst Leanne was chattering excitedly about her upcoming wedding. Over the course of that 45 minutes we spoke about a lot of things, it was the 45 minutes that I wasn't a mother, a wife, an employee or a student, I was me. Of course when I returned chaos was rampant, kids weren't dressed, husband had slept in, leaving me too think maybe this isn't such a good idea. I found myself feeling really good throughout the day and the evening woes didn't seem to appear, except when husband came home. A half hour lecture about the consequence of him being late for work, about me being responsible in the duty for my kids was finished with his famous words "Your a mother now, your life has ended, you can't do anything that you wont anymore". I was 29, I had just been told my life has ended! I saw red.
The next morning I was even more determined to go for that healthy walk, but I got the older boys in action by telling them they had to be dressed before I got home. Sure enough they were.
In that 12 months we only missed 4 days, when we had torrential rain. On the 5th day, my son handed me an umbrella and ordered me to go for a walk, saying I was a better mum when I did. When a 5 year old notices the difference, you know it's working.
Leanne lost her 35 kilo's and was the most beautiful bride I have ever seen and we continued our ritual walk until she moved 2 years later.
17 years on, I still go for my morning walk, armed with my Ipod, listening to my favourite music, it clears the cobwebs from the brain, recharges my emotional batteries and helps me find the balance within myself to make things work for the rest of the day.
As a mother, your the key person in the family, it's vitally important that you find inner balance so that you can balance the everything on the outside. It's also very personal, each women has a different outlet. One friend of mine has some time set aside each week to sit and read her favourite magazine from front to back with a cup of coffee and 2 Tim Tams, for an other, it's the saturday morning catchup with girlfriends at a much loved cafe. Outlets are as varied as there are people but the effects are all the same; it recharges the soul, instills positive attitude and enhances the success of everyday life on all fronts.
Of course there many helpful handy tips to saving time, such as a dishwasher, whether it's a mechanical (the best and most reliable type) or a people orientated version such as husband or kids. A slow cooker is a must for the winter months ( If you don't like to leave things on while your a work, cook it overnight and reheat when you get home). A deep freezer in which to store double cooked meals. A frozen home cooked meal is faster, less expensive than any takeaway meal.
Time management is essential. The art of time management comes easily when you have found inner balance, and thats a whole other blog. So in the meantime till I post time management for mums, go and try to find some "ME" time
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