Taking Kids out of the Comfort Zone

One of the best things you can do for your child's development is to take them out of their comfort zone!, regularly.
Children that are given that opportunity are very rarely bored or irritable and tend to develop a positive "hands on or lets get moving" approach as they grow. They also cope a lot better when hiccups occur and have better observation skills.

Routine tends to set people in their ways. Strict routine makes attitudes very stale and uncompromising.

Today's "Out of the Comfort Zone" topic is Transport

There are so many ways to get people from A to B, yet when a regularly set mode of transport can't be used, most people come undone and life seems to stop.

I knew a high school student whose mum dropped him off at school each morning on the her way to work. One day the car didn't start, they staid home for the next 3 days while the car was being fixed. It was only a 3 block walk to school, less than 15 minutes. It never occurred to him or his mother that he could walk the short distance and she could catch the train. The only mode of transport for them was the car, it had become so ingrained into their mindset that other forms of transport such as walking, cycling, train, bus, or organizing a lift, had never even been considered. Sadly, they had become crippled by their routine.

If you normally drive to the shops and find yourself parking in the same area, change it. If you need to drive, ask the kids (depending on the age) "Where shall we park today, I feel like somewhere different?" Allow them to make a suggestion. If their eye's pop open and point to some direction, that's great, you have engagement. Getting out of the car, give them the responsibility of that suggestion: "Do you think you remember where we parked, lets look around...." Returning to the car park after shopping, ask your child if they remember where the car is. They will, praise them for such a great memory.

Leg Power!!
Walking is fantastic, soothes the soul and you can delight in little discoveries that normally wouldn't be found if you were driving along

Get your child to lead the way, allow them to decide which way to go. If they decide in the opposite direction, let them know they have chosen the wrong direction. Get them to think about it if they protest, about the way when traveling in the car. Get them to look for landmarks if possible.
Encourage them to change the route each time, "We went that way last time, let's see where this way will take us".
After all possible routes are exhausted, they might have found a favourite way, or the quick way etc, then the choices are still there.
Also inform them too that there might other factors when deciding a route, such as time. "Today we have to take the quick way as we don't have a lot of time, or it looks like it might rain quite soon" etc.
If time is short, suggest cycling. If the weather is not favourable, how about taking the bus or train.

Introduce Public Transport ASAP
Using the bus or train introduces the idea of coordinated, communal traveling and strangers. There are also a lot of processes involved with using public transport, such as buying tickets, which train/bus, which platform/bus stop, timing of the trip etc. It's an incredibly valuable education in engagement and decision making.

I am aghast at the amount of teenagers or young adults who are fearful of using trains or buses because of so many factors that include the following
1) There so many strangers,
2) I don't know which train to take
3) What ticket to buy
4) What do I do if I get off at the wrong station.

Some years ago my daughter Zjarie and her best friend Rachel organised with a few friends to venture into the city to see the annual Archibald Prize at the Art Gallery Of NSW. At the age of 15, she was a public transport pro!.
Middle of the day, Saturday, lots of people and safety in numbers, they were at an age that parental supervision should now be limited.
A group of ten 15 year olds wanted to go. There was some coordinating to do. The train seemed to be the best option as St James Station was just a very short walk to the gallery. As we live in a rural area and most of the kids were scattered over a 20 km distance, quite a few didn't live any where near the 3 stations available. The question was posed if 3 or 4 could sleep overnight beforehand, some also needed to be back before a certain time due to other commitments. All were to meet at the designated train station for the 9.05am train and be back by 3.30pm.

Listening to the girls discuss everything from timing, billeting and itinerary with expertise was amazing and reassuring, these girls had everything under control without parental supervision. There were a couple of hiccups. One boy who had just achieved his black belt in karate wasn't confident enough to go on this daytime excursion without a parent. He had never used public transport before and traveling all the way into the city was to much for him so he bailed out. The other hiccup was a parent who rang me, I had to hold the phone at arm's length, her expletives still made my ears curl. There was another forced bail out.
The day came and went, it was the first of many, many such trips. 8 teenagers would have fond memories of a fantastic day in the city complete with culture and a picnic lunch in the park, the same 8, who get together, travel the country and this year will go to Greece during University break.

The moral of this story is; At one point in time you can no longer hold your childs hand, you have to let go. Introducing & educating them in life's skills from the earliest possible time will make the transition for you and your growing child all the more easier.

Life or Law?

It's heartbreaking enough to loose an unborn baby at any stage of pregnancy. For the law to decide that your child doesn't exist, it's more than salt rubbed into the open wound, it becomes an anguishing form of torture. A hell no innocent family should ever experience.
Our hearts ache for the Ball family, whose much anticipated second child's life was snuffed out by the actions of an imbecile on drugs. An imbecile who drove the car off the road, mounted the curb and ran over Zoe's mum. The Zoe who was to be born next month, instead she will be buried. Zoe doesn't exist according to the law, therefore she has no rights and no one can be held accountable for her death.
At 8 months gestation, the unborn baby is viable, the baby can survive outside of the womb. I know, I have had 3 premature babies. All alive and here with me.
So where does this take the law now in respect to the abortion laws?. After 24 weeks of pregnancy, abortion is illegal, except in the case of a medical emergency. People have been successfully prosecuted and imprisoned on this law.
Why does a 25 week old unwanted fetus have more rights than a 36 week old very wanted and loved fetus.

Engagement Mentor parenting: easier than you think

Engagement/Mentor parenting is a parenting model that strives to teach children from the earliest possible age to engage in the world around them. Children that are reared using this principle are far more self assured and confident with the world. Children, that grow into adulthood with all the necessary skills to make independent successful decisions and become great communicators. Life is all about decision and communication, hence the phrase; "Life might be business, but communication is Life".
Starting with your baby in a sling or a baby carrier, allows your baby to be at face with your world. Subliminally, through your daily activities, they are not only observing, but sharing the everyday processes of life. Leave baby in a cot of pram they are actually missing out on vital human communication and crucial living skills.
Many mums using prams, will turn the baby away from a adult conversation instead of turning the pram inwards for baby to face who mum is talking to. When you meet someone whilst out and about, it's great to stop and chat, and why not! your perfectly entitled to. Instead of facing the pram away from the conversation, turn pram around so that baby can see you and other people too. It is far better to take baby out of the pram and hold baby up with while talking. In a sling or baby carrier this will occur naturally.
Baby, while watching the conversation, will be exposed to and observe vital key elements like body language, tempo and general atmosphere. From 9 months of age, babies will often understand the difference between "friends and associates".

Psychological studies have shown that babies left out of conversations tend to grizzle and whine whenever their parents start talking. When, as they become toddlers and preschoolers actually interfered within the parents ability to converse with people, leading to parental frustration and tension between parent and child. Babies that had been included in conversation from birth, had grown into preschoolers that could not only contribute to the conversation, but could also analyse when to contribute.
It is important to include children in as many forms of conversation as possible.

How Bubba Moe Slings began

Bubba Moe Slings has been a labour of love since 1985 when we celebrated the birth of my first child Ryan, and my family laughed to hysterics at my first rudimentary attempt of a sling. He was 6 weeks old when I ruined 2 perfectly good sets of sheets in the elaborate making process.
By the end of it, we only had one sheet left to sleep on, 3 useless prototypes, and I was a mess. In my mind it seemed to work so much better, but I didn't give up, I kept going till I finally made one that seemed to work.
When I think about that sling, I cringe, considering what I know now.
Ryan would simply howl whenever I put him down, he was happy only when I was carrying him, I needed to devise something to give me my hands back.
I was convinced that for my very first Mother's Day, I would be receiving the "Most Useless Mother in History" award.

In 1987, I decided to be prepared and make my sling before my second child was born. By the time my second son Drue was 6 months old, 2 more variations had been made.
I worked on improving on all the elements that didn't seem quite right with the previous model and enhancing everything that did make my sling feel right and secure.
What I wasn't prepared for was the backlash from other mother's when I was out and about.
The derogative comments ranged from asking if I was an escapee from some hippy commune from Nimbin, to, and mostly consisted of how my children would grow up to be really bad people as obviously I was an undisciplined and unworthy mother.
Paralysed by politeness I never made a retort.

We were grocery shopping, Drue in the sling and Ryan in the toddler seat of the trolley. Stopping to choose some tuna, a mother with her toddler in the seat as well, stopped next to us, looking for something on the opposite side of the isle. Her son leaned over and punched my Ryan in the face!!. The poor mother aghast at her son's action, smacked him in return, apologised to me and scurried off.
Before I could say a word, Drue leaned out and cradled Ryan's face with his little hand, then started to stroke his brother's face ever so gently, the look that crossed between the two was of cheer love and compassion.
An epiphany hit me like a freight train, Drue had understood at just 8 months of age, the concept of care and compassion.
The day before, we were at the park. Ryan had fallen over and bruised his ego. I held him tight to console him, and when he knew he was alright, he lifted his head, I stroked his face while asking him if he was ok, after a quick nod he raced of again to play.
Drue had seen this as he was right there, if he had been in the pram he would have missed scene.

I waited until early evening to visit a neighbour down the road who is a early childhood psychologist, Joanna Pickford.
We spent many hours talking that night about all things to do with baby behavior, parenting models etc, confirming what I had discovered that day, that babies fully understand and are aware of all that goes on around them even if they can't speak.
All things I knew intuitively, but could never label.
Not only did this event mark the beginning of my tenacious quest into research.


It was also the point where, as a parent, I threw out routine and replaced it with structure and communication. My life as a parent became a whole lot easier and happier.