The graphic images of chaos, turmoil, grief and the forces of nature are everywhere.
While your child is a baby you have as a parent complete control on what your baby is exposed to, as your child's social world expands that control of exposure diminishes.
The permanent control you have as parent is how they learn about life in their journey towards adulthood.
There will always be naturally occurring events around the world. Events that can be catastrophic, it is during this time many children will become stressed and very frightened. The best thing a parent can do at this time is to give information in a manner the child can digest at their level.
If a child asks or shows concern about a disaster, taking the time to answer as best you can is important to their emotional well being. Even if an event like this occurs in another country and culture, far from home, it still has an impact.
Fobbing a concerned child off with a "Don't worry about it, it has nothing to do with us because it is in another country" parenting attitude, will probably set a precedent for general apathy, lack of care and disrespect in the child.
Telling a child to "Take a spoonful of cement and harden the f*** up" as I heard one father say to his worried son yesterday isn't going to cut it at all.
Seriously though, the child was logically asking for that cement. Cement being in this case, the metaphor for information. This is his son's world too, a little time spent answering his questions and concerns will help his son to comprehend the impact and adjust to the chaos.
Children expect their parents to know everything, they also have the uncanny knack to want to talk urgently at the wrong time; if this is the case, acknowledge your child's concern, explain that now is not a good time for what ever the reason maybe and set a time, talking after soccer practise e.g., so that you can give them your full attention. Assure them that you will answer any questions that they might have as best as you possibly can. It might also give you enough time to get some facts right first, hopefully.
To understand is to know, to teach in the moment, is to strengthen the bond of trust between a parent and their child.
Understand that children from a very young age are deeply empathic. At immunisation centres, the first baby that cries will set off all the others babies. Never disregard a child's fears, to them it is very real.
It is important that children are aware of disasters and all that they entail. In a non-rosebud way, disasters themselves offer the child an opportunity to learn, to develop social awareness and realise the world doesn't revolve around them only.Sadly, it is a remarkable life lesson. Steering the child through this lesson, makes up the important part of the learning process. If you are not sure as to how much and how deep your discussion should go, take a cue from your child's questions, as to how much information is needed to satisfy their need. Start by allowing your child to ask questions first and answer it. If you are not sure of an answer, tell them, but suggest how both of you could find out.
There are ways to explain to a child what is occurring and why; there are also ways how NOT to explain to a child.
Supervise the viewing of all video coverage on any media, don't leave them on their own to watch broadcasts. Avoiding any segment that is a "A story that bleeds, leads" type. Children need to know what is going on, but some material can be too extreme and over exaggerated.
When children see images/footage on TV, computer, or any of the wide range of media available in this age, they feel they are there, it is about to happen to them. They see the events unfold before their very eyes, they feel it is in their space. Adults understand and comprehend the distance factor, children not so much, if at all.
For primary school children it is a good idea not to over complicate the situation by using this time to bring in your own political, social, cultural, environmental, religious or conspiracy views. If they ask, as most older children will, then its a natural time for them to know. My teenage son came home today asking about the 'Elite Globalist Movement", apparently a 'confirmed' source has stated that the earthquake and subsequent tsunami was deliberately engineered. He went into great detail on how this is not only a scientific possibility, but a feasible motive. I must admit he had me worried a little until we googled it.
I try not to stereotype people, but from my experience, the professors I personally know, have a distinguishable structural quality in their language, even when angered or insultive as opposed to these self professed "professors"who engaged in nothing higher than mud slinging, vile expletives that made my hair curl. It certainly slaughtered any credence to their possible theories. I left the site feeling remarkable more uplifted.
There is a specific psychological benefit to using these items first before heading straight to Google.
Tactile learning, where the child can 'finger' the globe, tracing a path with their finger from the event/country to home will give perspective, and reassure them they are safe from this disaster. It helps children to understand where they fit in globally at times like this. Children can relate to the 3 dimensional aspect of a globe, more easier to comprehend than atlas maps, maps will have greater detail. One word of warning though, avoid buying ornamental globes. I spied one that had Africa touching Australia, Papua New Guinea was no where to be found, curiously China and USA were rather large in comparison. Try Australian Geographic stores, their globes, like the one pictures display the countries in different colours for easy identification. Globes are great for general geographical knowledge
A child that is first reassured that they and their loved ones are safe, will then be able to understand the concept of help and giving aid. A critically important aspect into learning how to overcome hurdles, learn that there is always a way to rebuild no matter how bad the situation. It helps build social intelligence and self esteem.
I remember when I was 6, our relief teacher decided we should learn about volcanoes after a deadly eruption from Mt Etna had taken many lives. This is an example of how NOT to explain to children.
She explained in a very animated way how hot boiling lava flowed under our feet like a lake. Sometimes the lava was so hot that it exploded through the ground to release pressure. When this happens, people will die, it can happen at any time, any place, any moment. She ended her explanation with a very loud vocal 'boom'! The entire class flinched, instinctively lifting their feet off the ground.
If she wanted silence from the class, she had it after that.
Lunch time we all sat with our feet cautiously off the ground, when Debbie's apple fell and rolled away, she burst into tears, so did the rest of us. I just wanted to be home with my family if the earth was going to erupt at any minute.
Luckily dad, ironically a trip to Newcastle the weekend before and a pot of boiling potatoes came to the rescue.
Dad armed with the globe and the atlas put my fears to rest.
He asked me if I remembered the trip to Newcastle the weekend before.
I remember, it seemed to take forever!!!
At a pit stop on our way to Newcastle, dad had decided to put an end to the "how long is it going to take" pestering coming from the back seat.
On the bonnet of the car he spread the road map. We found Avalon, where we lived, then Newcastle, where we had to go. He showed me the legend and got me to work out how long it would take, which is a great maths lesson anyway. He also had me trace the route, which was the highway, with my finger. Right then I understood the concept travelling a distance.
Dad located Italy on the globe and I found Australia. Using the legend we calculated the distance, he asked me "How many trips to Newcastle would that be". I realised it was a lot of trips. But the teacher had said it could happen any where? Out came the Atlas and an attempted oral lesson on Teutonic plates, when we heard mum in the kitchen cursing at a pot of potatoes, boiling over. Dad had a better idea.
Standing at the doorway to the kitchen I could see the hot water splattering out from under the lid of the pot. "See where the water is trying to get out? its not cracking out from the side of the pot, or the handle, it's coming from the rim, which is the opening to the pot. The vent, this is how volcano's work, through vents that are already there " he said.
"If the pot is Mt Etna, then Australia is across the road in Marta's house. The bubbling pot is not going to hurt us over there is it?"
Right there I understood it all. I wasn't scared anymore, I felt relieved that they were evacuating the people who lived close to Mt Etna and how after the volcano calms down, the process of rebuilding would take place. In disasters like these, no one was left alone to deal with it
It was exactly the cement I needed to harden up.
We are using the same approach with our youngest Little Miss Mischief who is 7. We let her talk, ask, discuss as much as she needs. As a part of a large family, she has a huge support network flanking her. As a family we discussed all possible issues.
Though I was tickled pink that she rallied the other members of the family to donate money along with her stash; it was adorable when she cheekily asked a driver who pulled his truck alongside our car at a set of traffic lights, if she could borrow it,
"Cause Japan has a lot of mess to take away and a lot of wood and bricks and food to bring back in. That's going to take a lot of trucks!".
He said she could.
Another smoke free blog by the author. All rights reserved and belong to Bubba Moe Slings PTY LTD.
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