5 years ago my childhood friend Katie lied to her boss.
It was first a feeling of injustice and discrimination that had been festering deep in the subconscious from 5 years earlier.
In a moment of crisis, the lie jumped out of her lips before she knew she said it. Katie laughs about it now but at that time for her it was a serious breach of fairness and she wanted answers.
"It was like 'who said that' it might have been my voice but it wasn't me who said it"
"I am glad I said it" she reflects.
That day was an awakening to the reality of working parents, and why working mothers will always be at the beating end of the stick.
Katie protests that working mothers are more vulnerable than working fathers. The inequality isn't just about the salary, its the hidden inequality. The expectation that working mothers must be completely flawless when it comes to juggling a career with children. Any thing in regards to the children must never comprimise the company that mothers work for. How many times have mother's called in sick, yet it was really one of the kids that was sick. When a father calls in to say he cant come because of a child, then its dealt with completely differently. There's no back lash on dad's like the backlash there is on mothers.
Older male bosses might be sceptical of working mothers yet female bosses, especially high ranking corporate women are the femme fatal of motherhood. The ones that are mothers themselves having fought and struggled to reach their position are the worst of all.
Within any career or position, the harsh reality is that, you are only as good as your last mistake. Sorry, that is the reality of working for a boss. For many mother's their mistake is usually child related.
The thing is she says, is that you can make a mistake with your children and they still love you. They love you when they see you in the nude, flab and all, they love you when you got daggy clothes on, your breathe stinks. With careers, if you get called away because your child broke their arm at school, then you are considered a liability, even if you delegated and orchestrated the project to other staff whilst running to the car.
It doesn't matter that you can devise first to market systems that are on-sold for millions of dollars with licenses for years to come. It does matter if your child is sick. If the mother is called away, instantly colleagues will see it as an inconvenience, having to take up the slack, even if they never need to; the potential is there. On the other hand, if the father has been called away, most colleagues will go into sympathy mode "Oh the poor dear, I hope everything is all right".
Right there is the battle working mothers can never hope to win!
That was why Katie lied that day, to protect the last 20 years of a life driven by a career. She also didn't want to appear as a mistake like last time.
Every working woman's nightmare; a phone call from the school. Miely, Katie's youngest daughter, had fallen from the playground equipment and had broken her arm. The brake was that bad, bone was protruding said her teacher. Miely was already in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.
What would you do?
I would leave.......immediately.
Kate sprang into action she said, quickly delegating succession to her team members whilst gathering her bag and keys. Within seconds she had all staff organised, project will not be jeopardised with her sudden exit . Katie might have been the head project manger, but she still had a supervisor she had to answer to. He stopped her in the hall to tell her she couldn't leave. She walked on past him as he was calling out "This is a mistake Katie!"
Whilst Miely was in surgery, Katie asked her husband Ewan, if he had in problems leaving his work so suddenly. He just shrugged his shoulders with a perplexed look and said "Why, my daughter has had an accident, no one is going ask me to stay". What angered Katie was that she was made to feel like the bad guy.
Back at work, the supervisor didn't say much but he did comment more times than most that working mothers are unreliable. Ewan, for a couple of weeks came home with muffins and teddy bears from his fellow workers.
6 months later, Katie was passed up on a promotion she had worked so hard for. Another childless woman from her team, far less competent, was giving the position instead. Katie, being Katie, challenged her supervisor. The decision not to give her the promotion in the end, even though she deserved it was because of her vulnerability as a working mother, it wasn't a good show of professionalism that she had left for her kid he said. "We need you to be 110% dedicated and focused".
Katie laughs "Ewan comes home with sympathy muffins and I get demoted, sort of. Ever since then I have hated muffins! I was so angry!
Not long after she was head hunted for a rival company. She found out later that her old supervisor lost his own job when the CEO found out why Katie left.
"Like I said you are only as good as your last mistake. He might have seen me as a potential liability, but the CEO saw him as a supervisor that ruled by his own assumptions, not in the best interest for the company".
5 years later, Katie having only just arrived at work, received a phone call that the car in which her oldest daughter was passenger had been involved in a serious accident. Siobhan was being airlifted to Royal North Shore Hospital with suspected spinal injuries. She was in a critical condition.
She called out to the CEO as she rushed out the office "I have to go, my husband has been involved in a serious car accident, he has spinal injuries".
Everyone flew to her assistance immediately.
"That was the injustice, the unfairness" Katie's says "That it was OK that my husband was injured, but if they knew it was one of my daughters they would've been far less sympathetic after the initial shock. They would have forced me to make a decision, rather than saying take all the time you need. The bastardry of it was that they were so nice and helpful".
Though Katie quit while Siobhan was in hospital and took a year off to dedicate to her daughter. "It was the fact that I had never driven my girls to school, that I paid some one else to raise my girls. It was the best career move in my life, I wish I had done it this way sooner. I might be a consultant that works from home, I work the hours I want to and I don't have the acerbic mentality to deal with"
I found it really ironic that no one on their death bed ever says "I should have spent more time in the office".
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