On any night, anywhere around the world, you're guaranteed to find an adult grappling with insomnia. Find a Doctor, a Chemist, a herbalist, a naturopath and you'll also find a patient desperately seeking sleep.
Each will ask the same uniform question, "Are you stressed? anxious? are there worries and concerns that need to be addressed?"or the likes there of.A person doesn't even need to be the brightest candle on the chandelier to know that a troubled anxious mind scares away sleep, that a mind needs to be calm & relaxed to have healthy sleep.
So why the heck would anyone think letting a baby scream itself into exhaustion is a good thing?If it doesn't work for the adults, how the hell will it work for babies.......
Oh! the celebrity 'baby whisperer' said so and she has sold millions of books, appeared on Oprah, GMA and such other programs. But doesn't the fact that she, has never had a baby herself or has even been in charge of a baby overnight, worry anyone just a little bit?
In all truth be told I can get your baby off to sleep within 5 minutes flat, if sleep is what your babe needs. I use a sling but you can do that too.A sling is a great tool for effective sleep settling in a far more gentle, emotionally rich manner, but a parent needs to know why a baby cries first.
It sounds a bit absurd needing to know why a baby cries, but people that use the controlled crying technique, really don't know why a baby cries or they wouldn't use it.
Its all about language and communication.
Adults have the advantage of many things, a vocabulary.Talking through their problems, seeking advice, reading, yoga, meditation, counselor etc. Babies just don't have that luxury, but they do have the best thing possible; their parents, parent or carer.
Babies don't have an established vocabulary so they need to use what they do have, a voice.
Since Newbie parents enter the world of deciphering baby without an instruction manual, they will have to quickly learn a new skill set and take on the role of artful detective. The job could be a lot simpler if they understand what they use their own voice for - to communicate. Uncannily so does a baby.
Babies cry for many reasons, they are always bonafide, because they haven't learned to lie yet. If we could put words to what babies are trying to tell their parents through their cries, they might sound like
1) I am hungry.......feed me2) I am wet............change me
3) I am cold..........warm me up please
4) I am hot...........take a few layers off
5) nappy wedgie.......quick, its riding up my Khyber pass, please its annoying, irritable
6) Clothing tags are irritating my skin........ouch ouch ouch, its a stinging itchy pain that I cant reach, please take it off
7) I have a wind bubble in my stomach and its so painful but I am flat on my back, you left the room, please pick me up, it hurts, it hurts, pain pain, please come back
8) I have a nose full of bogeys please take them out......please its irritating,
9) my jumpsuit is pinching my toes
10) the elastic around my ankles, waist is digging in
11) Lynx might attract fallen angels dad, but it gives me a headache, I don't like headaches! it hurts my head.
12) Hey don't leave me here by myself, I thought we were just having a good time, snuggled up against you felt really great.
13) hello, hello is anyone there? anyone, anyone at all? someone talk to me, I'm all alone in the world.......
14) I don't feel so good...
15) my ear is really sore. I don't feel so good.
16) My botty is stingy sore
17) I'm lonely, I feel that you aren't around
18) I just slept! you want me to sleep again...... oh come on, I just got here, I'd like to have a look around.
19) Its too quiet here.
20) there's just too much noise around here
21) I want my bath, my nice warm bath
You can add your own reasons, I'm sure there's plenty that I have left out.
When a baby cries they are trying to tell you something, they are not being nasty, vindictive or naughty. They are communicating with you that something is wrong.
Basically a tired happy baby will go to sleep, just not necessarily the time you want them to sleep. The younger the baby is, the more hours of the day the baby sleeps, as they get older it diminishes naturally.
The fact that baby is communicating with you is one thing, but what sort of message do you create when you leave your baby to 'cry it out'. The message is "I am not going to solve your problems, you're on your own here baby. I am not listening, you cant rely on me, I am not here for you".
Eventually the baby starts to figure this out and the first chink in the chain starts to appear. Specialists with years of research have proven that this is how relationships between child & parent break down as early as preschool years, with toddlers becoming unruly and unmanageable or ending with teenagers going on 'benders' becoming authority deviant. When a parent attends to their infants needs the relationship becomes far more stronger with less behavioural problems especially in the teenage years.
There is also the devastating nasty side of SIDS. With some deaths directly attributed to the controlled crying strategy. Babies that get overworked and overstressed by intense crying, tend to vomit. Vomiting is a concern with babies lying on their backs which has become the trend over the last few years instead of on the side.
A friend of mine lost her 8 week old son this way.
Sleep is important not only for baby put for parents too. A safe and sensible approach does take more time & discipline, and far more sacrifice, but the benefits will last a lifetime.
When it comes to helping a baby settle into sleep, one great asset is using a proper baby carrier such as a sling, as they have a sleep inducing reclining position will help with sleep or night settling.Unfortunately any upright or parachute style carriers are not recommended for good sleep practices because of the absence of this position, actually most specialists recommend that parents not allow their baby to sleep at all in any of these types of carriers due to the lack of support. These carriers are only good for wake time.
A baby can be laid down to sleep within the sling, as the parents 'smell' has bonded on the fabric, giving baby the security to stay asleep longer. Though it is not recommended using ring slings for this purpose as there is far too much fabric around baby, and babies fingers can get entangled in the rings, so a closed end sling like the Bubba Moe is a much safer option as they are lighter and have less fabric.
I hear you! I don't think I could bear to leave my baby crying anyway, but having done my research into infant brain development while I was pregnant, I certainly wouldn't use controlled crying. It may seem to work but my understanding is that the stress chemicals remain high in the baby's brain and they have not learnt to settle themselves, they have only learnt that no help will come. My 3 1/2 month old daughter thankfully can get herself off to sleep sometimes, but when she needs some extra help I happily spend a few minutes (and sometimes more) rocking her to sleep - I won't be able to hold her close forever! When she was younger I used my Bubba Moe sling to settle her quite often.
ReplyDeleteThe sound of a baby crying never sat well with me anyway
ReplyDeleteI couldnt agree with you & Nerida more, I never let any of my babes howl, but let them settle themselves if they were fussing, but my neighbour did.If she has another baby, my husband said we're moving. I dont think she has or will have a good relationship with her children anyway.
ReplyDeleteI did use my bubba moe a lot to night settle, which saved my sanity. I loved rocking my babies to sleep which is something I miss.